I’m really craving Cheerios right now, I wonder why…
Did I eat subway today? YUP. That means a
lost eliminated more weight! Yay!
And I reached a goal today; to eliminate 5% of my body weight. And I did it! Another Yay! I’m still not under two hundred though, but I’m really close to it. Next week will be the moment, I know it.
Something else happened today; as I was at my meeting, I was talking to my coach and she offered me a part time job with them! Granted, I’ll just be at the reception, but it’s really cool to have been offered that. Twice a week, a little bit of money in our pockets to be able to pay some of our debts, I was really happy that -she- approached -me- for that job.
Other than that, I’ve started a new vlog channel!
So here’s my first video, which is a pre-pilot. Is that a thing? Can it be a thing?
Oh wednesdays. You come so quickly. It’s like I have one weight-in and, no workouts later, you’re there again. Despite not working out (much… I mean I did, but not as good as I should’ve) and my blood sugar acting up because it’s that time of the month again (curse you hormones!) I still managed to eliminate close to 2 pounds. 1.8, to be exact. So wait a minute… I’m less than two pounds away from being in ONEderland. Under 200 lbs. I have not been under two hundred pounds since I was pregnant with my son. Next week, I will reach my 5% gone. 5% of bad ‘me’, gone!
Oh, I am celebrating by eating a Subway sandwich, of course!
So, more weight, gone. Not lost, gone.
As I was listening to my coach today, she was explaining that most of our achievements, we do because we trust we can do them. It’s all a matter of perception. There’s a reason we tell ourselves “I can do this” and then achieve what we wanted. We tell our brain that we can. We program it to surpass our expectations.
When we say “I’ve lost 10 pounds”, it’s as if we tell ourselves, our brains, “I’ve lost my car keys”. We (our brain/subconscious) think constantly “So where did I put them? Where did I leave them last?” and we eventually see it. We wake up in the middle of the night going “ah-HA! I can almost touch them, I know where they are.” because our brain is constantly looking for that answer. So if we tell ourselves “I’ve lost 10 pounds”, will our subconscious look for them? Will we re-gain them? Because we didn’t eliminate them, we lost them.
I once was lost, but now I’m found. Back with the 10 pounds I was looking for.
Does that make sense? Do you think it’s something you could use in your daily vocabulary? To “eliminate”?
In 2013, I want to be healthy.
In 2013, I will be healthy.
See what I did there? Perception. Programming our brains to think differently. Positively. As if we’ve already won.
It’s interesting, so I’ve decided to implement this as of today. But here’s the thing. I’m stepping it up with saying “In 2013, I am a better mom.“
To be a better mom, I need to make sure my son eats healthily. I need to make sure he moves a lot. I need to make sure I share with him every little thing. I need to make sure he knows I’m the best mom I can be. This also means I’ve got to stay on track with diabetes. Manage it well. Make my nurse/endocrinologist proud. Live longer.
No being lazy. More playtime. Sure, a little fast food doesn’t hurt (Unless you’re exceptionally strict on yourself) so the occasional McD’s will be on the menu, but not more than once a month.
Make sure he is happy, healthy, properly disciplined, etc. That means more work for me, but will be so worth it.
So. In 2013, I am a better mom.
What are you, in 2013?
When I was younger, if I’d have a great report card, my mother would get me the shirt I’ve been wanting, or the video game that just came out. Sometimes, she would even take me, alone, to the restaurant and it would be our night out, just the two of us. When I would help her around the house a few weeks in a row, she would reward me by taking me out to the movies or another night out to the restaurant. This was our treat. This was my reward for being productive or for achieving great things.
5 years ago, my mother passed away and I’ve made a discovery very recently (actually about a few hours ago) while I was listening to my weight loss coach. She was talking about rewards. “How do you reward yourself?” she asked, and I kind of shrugged, not really knowing the answer.
“Reward for what?” is all I could answer back.
She kind of smiled and I started to realize where she was going with that. “You’ve kept the house clean longer than you should’ve. You’ve worked out six times last week instead of three or four. You’ve surpassed yourself in something. How do you celebrate this? How do you reward yourself?” and I already knew the answer.
“Sweets. Chips. Something that tastes good.”
And it’s true. If I would step inside a supermarket and see something I shouldn’t be eating during this weight loss, like a peanut butter chocolate cup (Or Reese’s Pieces) or even chips I haven’t had in a while… If they are on special, I’ll think back; “Do I deserve this? Of course I do! This week I was awesome with this and that so I deserve it.”
So in order to reward myself because of something I’ve done, I’ll sabotage it right back by eating something I ‘enjoy’. Chocolate. Chips. Skittles. Ice cream from Cold Stone. High calories intakes, all the time, every time. The biggest thing would be to go to Boston Pizza and think that I ‘deserve’ the food because I’ve been great at something.
I have not learned how to reward myself properly because I let my mother do it for me.
It’s as simple as that. And so, starting today, I’ve decided that in order to reward myself, I need to put goals. When these goals are reached, I will indeed reward myself. It can be food, but healthy one. It can be things for around the house, but not expensive, and nothing useless.
Something that will make me happy and will leave me feeling happy after I obtained it. Fast food usually has a tendency to make me feel bad after I eat it and then I step back and wonder “Did I really need this?”. So, as of right now, I am setting goals for myself.
Goal # 1 : At every weight loss every week (so, on wednesdays); I get to eat a low fat Subway sandwich. They are delicious and healthy. No side orders, just the sandwich. And believe me, it’s a treat for me! I absolutely love them.
Goal #2 : when I reach my 5% weight loss for my goal; I will get myself a nice material from Fabricville to make a pretty tablecloth.
Goal #3: When I lose 20 lbs from my weight loss start; (Well, I’m not sure yet).
I’ll have to make a goal list and write down things I want to do when I reach those goals.
Oh. As for today’s weight-in? I’ve lost 3.6lbs. I am 2.6lbs away from my 5% weight loss.
I think I can lose that in one week, what do you think?
And how will you reward yourself today?
You know what I’ve been waiting to do but haven’t yet? A Vlog. About weight loss. I’m sure It’d be much more motivational to me; it would help me cope with my goals a little better. Like the kick in the butt you sometimes need to achieve your goals. The only problem is… Well, there is no problem. The problem is me. I have the proper camera, I have the right equipment to do it and, hell, I have plenty of imagination to give. But, like most things in the past, I keep pushing it to ‘tomorrow’.
“I should vacuum the house. Bah, tomorrow.”
“I should make that recipe! Meh, tomorrow…”
It’s really annoying. Why is it that for some things I have enough motivation for hundreds and when it comes to other productive things, it scales right back down to zero? It’s something I have to figure out and it most definitely is something I need to change. Starting yesterday.
So, weight loss wise, I know I could do better. But the more I lose, the less insulin I need, and so the more hypoglycemias I have. What do I do when that happens? Drink juice. 100 calories a pop plus a few almonds. Going straight back to my thighs. I know I shouldn’t let these things get to me because I’ve lost some weight so far, but still, it’s frustrating. Do all that work for what seems like nothing. Spend calories, drink ’em right back. Stupid pancreas! Why did you have to die! It’s making fat girls like me struggle even more and be discouraged much more easily.
Okay. Plan B. Stop being discouraged. You can do this. Your weight loss coach told you; five pounds in a month is a good thirty in just half a year. Which is true, when seen that way, but still frustrating when you see people next to you drop double what you did in the same amount of time.
Okay. Plan C. Stop being discouraged and stay positive.
Or maybe plan D. Stop being discouraged, stay positive, and never give up.
There’s the whole alphabet to go, afterall.
I rarely lie. Very rarely. The reason is simple; I’m a lousy liar and get trampled in the lies. I like being truthful anyways; it’s less trouble and I feel much better about myself. I do lie on occasion though, random little white lies everyone makes. “Hey, how are you doing?” to which I would reply “I’m fine!” when I’m not. You know, the usual little white lies we so often do on a regular basis. Just so we don’t annoy anyone or don’t hurt their feelings. So why did I lie to my weight loss coach? I had to ask myself that question for a while before I found the right answer.
No one wants to feel shame. No one wants to accept that we fail and everyone wants to give proper explanation to everyone to justify the way they look, talk, eat, etc… And why do we? Is society that bad that we want to protect our image to the point of resembling the “normal” standards? Let me explain…
I’ve been starting this weight loss journey (Lost 2 lbs so far… Definitely not a big loss, but it’s a loss!) to be healthy, to stay alive, to be there for my son. I hate the way I look, so of course that’s another reason. As I was talking with my coach, she wanted explanations regarding my type 1 diabetes. She knew what type 2 was but had never met someone with type 1. Granted, type 1 diabetics only represent about 5% of all diabetics. It’s a much different disease and it’s hard to make people understand. It should be carrying a whole different name as it is. And through all these years, I’ve had to constantly explain to people what Type 1 diabetes was; show them that it’s not at all like type 2s, and that before it being called type 1 diabetes, it was called (And still is to this day) juvenile diabetes because most diabetics would be diagnosed under the age of 10. So then, why did I become diabetic at age 24? Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease and it attacks the beta cells in your pancreas, destroying them and taking away your ability to produce insulin. Simple as that. But not so simple when you don’t know the disease and really not simple when people question your age and the disease.
So, I lied. I didn’t want to explain how it got there, why it chose me, give statistics and whatnot, but most of all, I didn’t want to battle and explain that it wasn’t because I’m fat. Most type 2 diabetics become diabetics because of an unhealthy lifestyle and most will be overweight on diagnosis. I lied because I didn’t want to explain the fact that even though I’m overweight, it wasn’t the cause of my disease. When I was diagnosed, I wasn’t overweight to start with. But that’s, again, more explanations on explanations and I’m just tired of having to explain all the time. So instead I chose to lie. I told her I had been diabetic since the age of 4. By saying that, I skipped the whole questionnaire process and simply had to explain the way my insulin pump worked. And I felt so bad. And I still do.
Why do we lie? To save time? To validate the way we feel and look? It makes no sense to me. But one thing I know is that whenever I lie, even if the lie is so tiny it wouldn’t hurt anyone, I feel horrible for days. A good quality, but also a bad one, as remorse is amplified ten times worth.
Do you lie to justify the way you look? Do you lie to save explaining things?
I have. And it’s bugging the creeps out of me.
What a weekend! I hope everyone had a great easter! After I picked up my husband from the airport, we headed to our family’s the next morning for some quality time, but with lack of laptop comes no blog posts! I have a lot of catching up to do with reading and posting…
So let’s get down to business; the point of this post. My new weight-in! Third week into my weight loss journey and I’m feeling great! My blood sugar is “stable” (Occasional highs occurred, way less lows this week as well!), I’ve been in a good mood and I fit in one of my old pair of jeans! No, not the bigger ones, the smaller ones! Hah! I’ve lost a waist size! Quite ecstatic. And so, I weighted myself feeling pretty good about the number that would show on the scale. That, and my Weight Watchers goal of 5% weight loss will be reached at 201lb. Since I’ve been losing 5 pounds every weeks, I had a feeling I would have reached my goal!
And then I stepped on the scale. And I had no loss. And no gain. Still 206lbs. Disappointed? Yup. Definitely. But I was happy that I hadn’t gained any. I think that my body was telling me to put the breaks on, losing too much weight too fast maybe? One of the culprit of last week might have been the banana bread I’ve made and ate throughout the week with my son… Hmm. Most likely! But I also have to step it up a notch. And so, I’ve started to play The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout game, on the Kinect. It’s actually quite fun! But a muscle killer, honestly! I couldn’t feel my thighs (Or should I say I felt them way too much) the next day I started the work out. I guess there are some muscle sI need to move, aside from the ones I use to walk or run, in order to lose more weight!
So this week, I have yet another challenge; my husband’s here until next job is announced. That means I have to resist the temptations that are bound to occur. I can do it though. I think!
What a week! Actually, it’s been pretty boring for the most part, non-dabetic wise; rain, cold, no walks outside unless it’s to go to the car and drive to the grocery store. I think it’s the only outings I’ve done with my son and it showed! He got back at me almost all week, Mr. Grumpy face. Well, the fact that four, yes FOUR teeth are coming out is making him extra grumpy, so it doesn’t help. But no park trip, no walks outside, just plain old inside watching Baby TV when we’re not playing games or I’m not doing house chores or playing Zumba.
Diabetic wise, my body decided to step up and kick my butt. I had to put my basal rate at 75% basically all week and I blame that one two things; weight loss and physical activities. I’m moving. A whole lot than I was before I started this weight loss journey. When I sit on the couch, I remind myself “Isn’t there anything else to do that would require me to actually move?” and then there’s something. There is -always- something to do. Dishes, vacuuming, cleaning, playing with my son, you name it. So I was low more often than I was high. Look see for yourself!
So for all the calories I would spend, I would eat back a lot. Orange juice, followed by bananas or nuts.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I wasn’t expecting much change in my weight. I mean, my pants have become slightly looser, but I blamed that on wearing them like three times in a row and them becoming stretched. Although when I looked in the mirror, my “muffin top” looks more like a “bread top”. Love handles that are asking for still too much love. So this morning, I hopped on the scale. And then I remembered; yesterday was a bad day before a weight-in! Went to my uncle’s, ate lasagna, a Tiramisu, drank a glass of wine and had a scoop of maple ice cream… Yup, I busted my Weight Watcher’s points and went into those cheat points. I should have weighted myself beforehand, but oh well. Let’s see…
So as I stepped on the scale, thinking about my week, the orange juice at 90 calories a glass, had about 15 to 20 of those for sure… My night before, where all the good foods crashed in my system… But took in account all the Zumba I’ve danced, the soccer I played with my son, the cleaning I’ve done… And I stared at the scale at what seemed like an eternity before it showed me the numbers.
Two hundred and six (point four). From last week, I have made it to my goal of losing 5 lbs once again! I’ve lost five pounds! So that means that I’ve lost 10 lbs since the beginning of my weight loss journey! Me! Someone who is blaming everything on the fact that being diabetic is contributing to my weight gain. That being diabetic makes it even harder to lose weight. (It -is- true though…) That for all these years, I’ve blamed it on being diabetic and my crazy insulin intake, the lows, having to drink juice all the time… And I’ve lost more weight in two weeks than I have in about 10 months.
I can do this. Today, I’ve realized that yes, I can do this!
And I’ve got to keep that line going downwards!