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DiabeticallyYours

Living life as a Type 1 Diabetic.

Archive for the tag “parents”

Another one (point 8) bites the dust!

Oh wednesdays. You come so quickly. It’s like I have one weight-in and, no workouts later, you’re there again. Despite not working out (much… I mean I did, but not as good as I should’ve) and my blood sugar acting up because it’s that time of the month again (curse you hormones!) I still managed to eliminate close to 2 pounds. 1.8, to be exact. So wait a minute… I’m less than two pounds away from being in ONEderland. Under 200 lbs. I have not been under two hundred pounds since I was pregnant with my son. Next week, I will reach my 5% gone. 5% of bad ‘me’, gone!

YES.

Oh, I am celebrating by eating a Subway sandwich, of course!

So, more weight, gone. Not lost, gone.

As I was listening to my coach today, she was explaining that most of our achievements, we do because we trust we can do them. It’s all a matter of perception. There’s a reason we tell ourselves “I can do this” and then achieve what we wanted. We tell our brain that we can. We program it to surpass our expectations.

When we say “I’ve lost 10 pounds”, it’s as if we tell ourselves, our brains, “I’ve lost my car keys”. We (our brain/subconscious) think constantly “So where did I put them? Where did I leave them last?” and we eventually see it. We wake up in the middle of the night going “ah-HA! I can almost touch them, I know where they are.” because our brain is constantly looking for that answer. So if we tell ourselves “I’ve lost 10 pounds”, will our subconscious look for them? Will we re-gain them? Because we didn’t eliminate them, we lost them.

I once was lost, but now I’m found. Back with the 10 pounds I was looking for.

Does that make sense? Do you think it’s something you could use in your daily vocabulary? To “eliminate”?

In 2013, I want to be healthy.

In 2013, I will be healthy.

See what I did there? Perception. Programming our brains to think differently. Positively. As if we’ve already won.

It’s interesting, so I’ve decided to implement this as of today. But here’s the thing. I’m stepping it up with saying “In 2013, I am a better mom.

To be a better mom, I need to make sure my son eats healthily. I need to make sure he moves a lot. I need to make sure I share with him every little thing. I need to make sure he knows I’m the best mom I can be. This also means I’ve got to stay on track with diabetes. Manage it well. Make my nurse/endocrinologist proud. Live longer.

No being lazy. More playtime. Sure, a little fast food doesn’t hurt (Unless you’re exceptionally strict on yourself) so the occasional McD’s will be on the menu, but not more than once a month.

Make sure he is happy, healthy, properly disciplined, etc. That means more work for me, but will be so worth it.

So. In 2013, I am a better mom.

What are you, in 2013?

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Tiny post, big impact.

What’s YOUR reason?

 

Children’s mighty strength, parent’s broken heart.

When I went for blood tests last friday, the hospital was jammed pack. Mostly with old people and pregnant women as usual. I don’t stay very long or wait for my name to be called because of type 1 diabetes. When I am fasting for 12 hours, I get the privilege of cutting through the line and have my blood drawn as quickly as possible. I do get mean looks though. “Why is she going through? Isn’t she going to pick a number? They let her in and I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes!” I know that’s what they are thinking because if I wasn’t type 1 diabetic and know about my condition, I would probably think the same if I would see someone “healthy” cutting through the line.

“Sorry, my pancreas is busted. For life. I get priority.”

Sometimes, there’s a line and I need to wait behind other people while we wait, and I remember one time, clearly. While my mother was still alive, she would go with me every single time. I was old enough to drive and go by myself, but she would insist on driving me and be by my side. And one time as we were waiting in line, there were people talking in front of us saying how “Blood tests every two weeks is soooo much stress” and my mother would say something along the lines of “Well my daughter has at least 5 injections per day. For life.” The people would look at me and turn around, their conversations cut dry. Of course, my mother didn’t want to insult them, or even make it awkward for me to stand there, all eyes on me, wondering why I had to use needles 5 times a day.

And I remember my diagnosis, my mother crying next to me, seeing her as white as snow when they had to draw blood from me for several tests. No, not tiny vials, big jars. I had never seen this much blood drawn from a single person in my life, and while I was fascinated that I could live without that much blood loss, my mother would wait outside my hospital room and cry, comforted by my newly diagnosed with Crohne’s disease roommate’s mother. And I would tell her not to cry, that I was lucky to have been diagnosed on time (With a BG of 42 mmol… or 756mg) and that I would live. You have to know that I lost a sister when I was 17 and so my mother was having a mental break down. Would she lose another child? Would she become childless and go insane?

Now that I am a mother, I know exactly what she was feeling.

So back to the blood tests. I was sitting down, waiting for the nurse to come to me and do her magic, when a mother walks in with what looked like a no more than 2 years old little girl, and about 5 years old little boy. They both look fine, so I assume the woman didn’t have any babysitter and had to get blood tests done. But then she tells the little boy to sit on the chair. And he looks scared. Not petrified, but scared enough that his face goes white really quickly, but he still manages to keep his cool. Then the mother asks him if he wants his little sister sitting next to him, “to help” she says. The mother looks as stressed as she can, but tries to keep cool for her children.

My nurse comes, I extend my arm, she does her magic, but my eyes are on the little boy.

A nurse goes to him and explains the purpose of the instruments she’s using. He knows, I can tell. He’s been there before. And while I’m thinking to myself “It doesn’t hurt, it just pinches a little” I still remember how I felt seeing a big needle and my own blood escaping my body. So my heart goes for him and I feel my eyes fill up with water because I am now imagining my son sitting in that chair.

The little boy starts to cry as the needle goes in and all I want to do is go over there and hug him tightly and tell his sister, his two years old sister, that she’s very brave to want to help her big brother. And I want to hug the mother and tell her she’s strong and that everything is going to be alright.

I hear the nurse tell the little boy “It’s okay to cry sweety, don’t be ashamed, when we’re hurt or scared, we cry, it’s totally normal.” And while she’s drawing blood from him, she’s talking to him telling him that he is strong, that he’s lucky to have a little sister that loves him so much, she helps him.

My blood tests are done, I get up, grab my backpack, put on my sweater, give one last look of empathy to the little boy and walk out the hospital. I don’t know if he was diabetic or if the blood tests were meant for something else, but now tears are falling down my cheeks because I am SO glad it wasn’t my son sitting in that chair.

And a father walks towards me, talking to his little boy, saying “You’re not gonna cry, right? Please promise me you won’t cry.” And my empathy is gone, in an instant, as they come by me and past. I hear the little boy say “I promise.” But I can feel the fear in his voice.

Children cry, it’s totally normal. But as the little boy cried, I felt the mother was even stronger than anyone in the room. And probably even stronger than the father who walked past me.

Weight loss journey: Weight-in #4

One month in the making. Have I made it to my goal of losing 20 pounds? Sadly, no. I found that it was very difficult, especially with diabetes, to keep away from the “points”… The Calories. With a low comes orange juice and snacks. Glucose tablets don’t work fast enough for me and cost much more than a pack of 8 juices in the end. I’m glad to have found out through the last weeks that having my husband around didn’t impact my food choices! When we ate out, I always had something healthy when usually I would be inclined to go to McD’s or have an A&W mama burger. Topped with their onion rings of course. And even though it smells delicious, I want to taste freshness, not grease indulged food. That, and Aaden is a big motivation as I don’t want to share a burger with him, so I pick something healthier like a cajun chicken wrap with two choices of salads.

I trained this week more than I did last week. Bob Harper killed my arms this week. And my knees have become weaker but that’s another problem that goes along the lines of my carpal tunnel syndrome waking me in the middle of the night despite the wrist brace. And sharp pains in my joints that I associate with possible arthritis. At 30. Awesome. Who wants to meet a girl who didn’t care about her body enough that at 30 she’s got the body of a 70 year old’s? Don’t look too far, you’re reading her blog!

Whoa there nellie, let’s not get -too- negative! Focus on the positive, right? That’s what I tell myself when I step on the scale lately. Last week was zero loss. This week; one pound. 205. Still a loss, I know, but it gets discouraging to see the scale glare at me with it’s digital numbers of hell. Of course it’s 11 pounds gone, and this actually marks 5% body weight, also gone! Something I should be celebrating. Why am I not happy with the number? Why do I keep stressing myself out?

I had a conversation yesterday with my husband as we were eating at our favourite vegetarian restaurant, and one subject became another and lead to him telling me that I am stressed all the time. I don’t enjoy (Or well don’t look like I am enjoying) my days. If something’s not done, like the dishes or laundry, I go into interior rage mode and fume from the inside. And I have to work on that. I want everything done in one day, and sometimes, I don’t realize that it’s at my son’s and husband’s cost. I need to find a moment and relax. Accept the fact that I am not a “supermom” or “super wife” and that I should take things lightly. Well, most things. I need to find a book that will somewhat teach me how to do those things. I need to chill out on several things; cleaning, moving, packing, daily chores, missing my family, losing a long time friend, accept major change… And never -ever- let my husband and son down. Those are the most important people in my life, the ones that matter most.

At least I’m aware of what I need to change, right? Step 1, denial… Step 2…

What is step 2 anyways?

This moment yesterday was one of the few where I just stopped doing everything I was doing and smiled. Enjoyed the fact that my son is the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Ever.

iBGStar Review

I’ve finally received my iBGStar from Sanofi Aventis! I say finally because Canada post -again- did not deliver to my door and instead sent it to the post office. I blame this on a lazy postman.

I was very excited to get it, so much that I’ve basically let aside my chores for the day. No store visit for this lady today! (Bananas will have to wait, Aaden… Sorry!)

I’ve made a review video about it which I will integrate into this post at the bottom of it. So if you don’t feel like reading, go watch the video!

First, while the animations are purely decorative and entertaining, I love seeing my iPhone telling me to put blood on the test strip and make a futuristic animation of my blood going into the device and being tested. Super cool! (I bet this will even make my non-diabetic friends jealous and they most likely will want to try it out too just for the heck of it!) It’s easy to set up; even though I read the instructions to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong, it would have been easy to just connect the iBGStar, as it was already charged, and start testing right away. I was high, I knew this, but I didn’t care about spoiling my device with my super sugary blood, so I tested right away, along with my old OneTouch meter, to see if the readings matched. And they did, so everything was set to go!

Here are some positive points about the iBGStar:

  • Small; about 1/6th of the size of your iPhone or iPod;
  • Free app; just download it straight to your iPhone or iPod;
  • Track your BG on charts; up to 90 days of tracking on one single chart, easy for your endo to read;
  • Statistics e-mail friendly; Your endo needs some results on charts? One single press of a button and it’s right on his desk(top);
  • Built-in user guide; no more downloads from websites after losing your user guide;
  • Syncs readings to your iPhone when connected if you have made a reading while disconnected;
  • Goes where your iPhone or iPod goes;
  • Charges alone or with your iPod and iPhone. Just connect to the wall or into your iPhone or iPod and your iBGStar charges!

And for some negatives:

  • iPhone and iPod battery vampirism; the iBGStar loves your device’s energy! Sucks it right out to charge itself, unless your device is on hibernating mode;
  • No customizable backgrounds; you have the choice of 6 pre made backgrounds to chose from.

So far, so good! I can’t see anything else that is a negative. So that was a small review, yes, but I’m sure I will have much more to say about the iBGStar in the next coming weeks as I get accustomed to my new toy.

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5 likes and dislikes about being a diabetic mom!

A fellow blogger suggested I make this post after the 5 likes and dislikes about being a mom. Great idea! And I’m sure other diabetic moms out there will be able to relate! If you’re diabetic and don’t have kids, here’s what you can be expecting later in life about being a mommy!

5 likes:

  1. Healthy lifestyle! Having a baby gave me a great reason to take (better) care of my diabetes. I need to be as healthy as I can to be there for him later in life!;
  2. Are you a couch potato? Not anymore! Running after your toddler will have your BG drop often! At least in -my- case…;
  3. Healthy foods! Watch those carbs, eat more vegetables! Before being diabetic, I would eat anything, really. And Probably would give Aaden a “HappyMeal” much more often. Now that I know what foods can actually do to him, because of what I’ve learned as a diabetic, Aaden has a healthy lifestyle!;
  4. Amazing snacks! Seriously. When I’m low, I tend to look for anything high in carbs. Now, I tend to grab snacks I buy for Aaden, which in turn are pretty delicious and healthier!;
  5. A reason -never- to give up. Sometimes, as most diabetics will feel, I get really bummed out. Angry at life for giving me this disease. Not getting up in the morning sounds like a great idea… But when you hear your child babbling in his crib in the morning, laugh with you during the day and fall asleep in your arms at night, you’ve truly have found a reason to never, ever give up.

5 dislikes:

  1. Hypoglycemias. On their own, they are manageable. With a screaming kid clamped to your leg, it’s extremely infuriating;
  2. Pump users, warning! Aaden thinks the transparent tube that sometimes is dangling out of my pants is an amazing toy and tends to yank on it often;
  3. Dangerous wandering test strips. Sometimes I don’t realize it but I’ve dropped a used test strip on the floor. Aaden likes to taste everything that’s on the floor. Yeah, you know where I’m going with that;
  4. The fear that he might become diabetic. Sure, anyone could become type 1 or type 2. But being diabetic, your child has even more chances. I really wish Aaden to stay healthy, always.
  5. Pregnancy. I hated my pregnancy. The whole thing. Gaining 62 lbs, having to take 50 units for breakfast instead of 6, constantly having to readjust my insulin intake because of continuously raging hormones… Not cool!

What about you? If your a diabetic mom, I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re not a mom yet, what are your fears and expectations?

Raspberries on the cheek!

Vegetables; our friends but…

… Definitely not my son’s friends this evening.

I came back from my father’s today and didn’t know what to make for diner, really. So I cut up many veggies (Carrots, Cauliflower, broccoli, onions, asparagus, red kidney beans, corn, etc…), mixed in broth and spices and it was delicious! The only thing is my son won’t eat it. Even if I mash the veggies, or mix it with other things. Usually he LOVES veggies but tonight was a no no for him apparently. Anyway.

For about 10g of carbs for a whole bowl, it’s one of my favourite thing to eat nowadays. Trying to lose weight isn’t really easy for me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m diabetic or I’m not eating the right things, but this soup will help I think. (I made a big batch!) My next weight in is tomorrow, and I’m anxious to see if my walks made an impact at all, but when I was at my father’s, we ate a lot… So I’m thinking I didn’t start it right! This week though, I will HAVE to work on it really hard.

The fact that I’m moving more is making me low more often, so I am drinking juice to fix these lows but at 90 calories a juice, I’m just packing the carbs! It’s a vicious circle isn’t it?

What tips can you give a type 1 diabetic trying to lose weight?

 

The insulin-less morrow.

Hey there fellow bloggers and trusty readers!

After my post from last night, I wanted to leave you with an update before I leave for the weekend and not lead you into thinking I might have been seriously hurt from the lack of insulin! To my surprise, I actually woke up with a reading of 5.4 mmol! (That’s a 97.2mg). Doesn’t stop the fact that I could have side effects from not having insulin in my body for a long period of time (I suspect the head ache I have is related). But when I woke up I had an e-mail from a concerned follower and blogger. I don’t know if he wants to remain anonymous so I will only be linking back if he allows it! (And he did! Thanks Scott E.!Not so anonymous anymore! Haha!) And, even though I realized some few things that I should have done instead of just going to bed like that, without insulin for most of the night, it made me feel good! To know that there are people out there with and without the same disease and they care enough to send me a warning message, to be safe, tips on how to act during that period… Things I would have followed if I hadn’t read this email this morning but last night, when he sent it!

No, instead of checking my e-mails, I read The hunger games (Almost done the first book) to keep my mind off of the situation. Was I just evading it? Trying to ignore it instead of taking action? I know for a fact that If my husband would be there, he would have run out in the search for a 24 hours drug store! but he’s at work and I’m alone with Aaden and the last thing I wanted to do was to wake him up, dress him and go look for a store, then have to constantly wake him up by going in and out of the car… I should put my health first, I know, but sometimes I don’t think rationally!

Anyways, I’m fine, and yes don’t worry, I’m getting ready to go out and grab that insulin vial before I get ready and leave for the weekend! I’ll be fine though, and I’ll be back!

Read you soon!

~Valerie Anne

Oh rainy day.

Woke up with a blasting headache. Good thing Aaden was just babbling in his crib unlike most mornings when he screams for me to go get him!

I found out the reason of this headache is because of a hyperglycaemia. Pretty sure anyways, that’s one of the symptoms. Woke up with a reading of 12 mmol (216mg) so who knows how long I’ve been that high! I blame it on the fact that I haven’t changed my infusion site for a week and it was half ripped off of my skin this morning. Yes, yes I know, I’m supposed to change it every 3 days, but my insurance doesn’t cover it no more (Well, my lack of insurance now!) so I’m trying to save money by buying half of what I’m used to buy.

So today it’s raining cats and dogs – as long as its not raining men I’m fine – so no morning walk for me and Aaden. Instead, I’m going to swallow a few tylenols to kill this headache and get cracking on house cleaning, dishes that I’ve neglected last night and colouring activities with my 1 year old son.

Note to self; Call moving company, do address changes, pack your house, lady… Because you’re moving in less than three months!!!

And with this, I leave you with a picture of my son Aaden, Watching Baby TV a little too close to the television for my likes.

Weight loss journey: part 1

Weight loss. How I envy people who find it easy. For years (And even before I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes) I’ve struggled with my weight, tried to lose it, cope with it, hate it and love it. At one point I did have extra baggage but I was still beautiful. I think the peak of my beauty was seen at my wedding, but what woman isn’t pretty on her big day? (Okay, there are some but you’re missing the point here!) I look at those pictures today and wish I could go back there and slap myself for thinking I was fat! That crazy woman who got married in 2008 definitely grew, matured through the years, but gained a whole lot of weight. 52 pounds to be exact. (Ouch!)

I like to follow bloggers that are active, that lose weight, that love life, that can achieve so much just with their will power and recently I’ve found two bloggers who love to run and blog about it. And even though I am not in shape to run a marathon, I am excited for them, strangers as they may be. I would love to run a marathon (and call me crazy for wanting to run it with my son in his stroller HAH!) and so it feels like I’m running with them. I’m talking about RunningWithInsulin and Insulin Runner (Yes, they are type 1 diabetics as well! Strong will let me tell ya!) But both of them, and especially the post on RunningWithInsulin are also beginning to inspire me. They are diabetics. They Run. They can do both and maintain a healthy lifestyle. They can do it. And I’m starting to think I can too.

For the past year I’ve given myself the ultimate reason not to lose the weight. I’ve got not time, too tired.” My husband works in a different province so I am alone with my 1 year old son 24/7, weeks at a time. And being a mom is insanely hard at the beginning when you’re alone. I would not sleep at night, I was tired all the time, I would go crazy if I couldn’t clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, the groceries… Until I’ve learnt to put priorities in order. So what if the dishes aren’t done? It’s okay for two dust bunnies to hang out under the couch for a couple of days, right? And then something magical happened. Aaden (My son) decided it was time to sleep all night. From 7:30PM to 6:00 AM. I. Can. Sleep. And then the “Too tired” excuse slowly left.

There is no excuse now. I’m a stay at home mom. I’ve all the time in the world, right? Well, not all of it, but more than most moms!

My husband left again yesterday, so this morning, I got up (Well, Aaden woke me up), ate breakfast with my son, got dressed, dressed him up and went on on a walk. It’s beautiful today, too! I walked (Fast paced of course) 2.2KM (Which is 1.36miles). Not a lot, but it’s a beginning. And instead of grabbing a coffee at Tim Hortons, I grabbed myself a green tea! Small changes, beginning of something, for sure.

I think that by blogging about my weight loss I might actually do it this time. Let’s set myself a goal; Lose 62 pounds by March 12, 2013.  That means go from 212lbs (I know. Ouch.) to 150lbs in a year.

Aiming too high? Or reachable goal? 

This is me at my wedding, 160lbs.

And this is me at 212 lbs… Long way to go!

(No, I’m not the one with the white beard, I’m the Eggplant on the right!)

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