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DiabeticallyYours

Living life as a Type 1 Diabetic.

Archive for the tag “motherhood”

Another one (point 8) bites the dust!

Oh wednesdays. You come so quickly. It’s like I have one weight-in and, no workouts later, you’re there again. Despite not working out (much… I mean I did, but not as good as I should’ve) and my blood sugar acting up because it’s that time of the month again (curse you hormones!) I still managed to eliminate close to 2 pounds. 1.8, to be exact. So wait a minute… I’m less than two pounds away from being in ONEderland. Under 200 lbs. I have not been under two hundred pounds since I was pregnant with my son. Next week, I will reach my 5% gone. 5% of bad ‘me’, gone!

YES.

Oh, I am celebrating by eating a Subway sandwich, of course!

So, more weight, gone. Not lost, gone.

As I was listening to my coach today, she was explaining that most of our achievements, we do because we trust we can do them. It’s all a matter of perception. There’s a reason we tell ourselves “I can do this” and then achieve what we wanted. We tell our brain that we can. We program it to surpass our expectations.

When we say “I’ve lost 10 pounds”, it’s as if we tell ourselves, our brains, “I’ve lost my car keys”. We (our brain/subconscious) think constantly “So where did I put them? Where did I leave them last?” and we eventually see it. We wake up in the middle of the night going “ah-HA! I can almost touch them, I know where they are.” because our brain is constantly looking for that answer. So if we tell ourselves “I’ve lost 10 pounds”, will our subconscious look for them? Will we re-gain them? Because we didn’t eliminate them, we lost them.

I once was lost, but now I’m found. Back with the 10 pounds I was looking for.

Does that make sense? Do you think it’s something you could use in your daily vocabulary? To “eliminate”?

In 2013, I want to be healthy.

In 2013, I will be healthy.

See what I did there? Perception. Programming our brains to think differently. Positively. As if we’ve already won.

It’s interesting, so I’ve decided to implement this as of today. But here’s the thing. I’m stepping it up with saying “In 2013, I am a better mom.

To be a better mom, I need to make sure my son eats healthily. I need to make sure he moves a lot. I need to make sure I share with him every little thing. I need to make sure he knows I’m the best mom I can be. This also means I’ve got to stay on track with diabetes. Manage it well. Make my nurse/endocrinologist proud. Live longer.

No being lazy. More playtime. Sure, a little fast food doesn’t hurt (Unless you’re exceptionally strict on yourself) so the occasional McD’s will be on the menu, but not more than once a month.

Make sure he is happy, healthy, properly disciplined, etc. That means more work for me, but will be so worth it.

So. In 2013, I am a better mom.

What are you, in 2013?

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#DBlogWeek – Diabetes Hero

Let’s end our week on a high note and blog about our “Diabetes Hero”.  It can be anyone you’d like to recognize or admire, someone you know personally or not, someone with diabetes or maybe a Type 3.  It might be a fabulous endo or CDE.  It could be a d-celebrity or role-model.  It could be another DOC member.  It’s up to you – who is your Diabetes Hero??

Arg, late on the Bandwagon. Can’t blame me! Yesterday was a -gorgeous- day and I took advantage of it by going outside with my son. Something we both needed. The sun, nice breeze, a walk and later in the afternoon, a caramel sunday. Hmmmm! Deliciousness.

So, for the last blog subject; Your Diabetes Hero.

While there are tons of great artists out there that are type 1 diabetics, endos included, my diabetes hero is not diabetic. She actually isn’t from this world anymore, either.

My D-Hero is my mother.

When I was diagnosed, to her, it was like loosing a child once again. My sister had passed away at the age of 13 back in 1999 from a stupid roller-blading accident. (Everyone should wear a helmet! It’s VERY important!) And while I kept saying “It’s okay! I’m alive!” at the hospital, she couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. Her daughter was sick, permanently sick, and it was another thing that could potentially take her only daughter left away. I stayed at the hospital for a whole week, they tried to bring my BG down quickly, my eyes were failing, I knew nothing about the disease and had to go to classes, too. She visited me at the hospital every single day. The first two nights, she had skipped work and stayed with me. She went to classes with me, to understand what was wrong with me and how to ‘treat’ it and she patiently waited outside my room while they would fill jars of blood for tests.

It’s when we got home that my mother became my d-hero.

The things my mother did… Just to keep me safe. Her first grocery shopping trip was 3 hours long. I didn’t go with her, but I knew what was going on; she was checking every side of boxes, bottles, cartons, to count the carbs. The lowest it was, the better. She was buying ‘food I could eat’ without having to inject a ton of insulin. She got recipes books with low sugar and proceeded to cook and bake on the same day.

Every single day, my mother had a new recipe to show me. She was focused on keeping me alive as long she could. And for months she took care of me like I was a porcelain doll. She was even teaching her customers how many carbs were in their plates! (She was a waitress).

She did this right up until she was too weak to.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2007 and passed away in March 2008.

But she was, and still is, my diabetes hero.

 

Tiny post, big impact.

What’s YOUR reason?

 

Children’s mighty strength, parent’s broken heart.

When I went for blood tests last friday, the hospital was jammed pack. Mostly with old people and pregnant women as usual. I don’t stay very long or wait for my name to be called because of type 1 diabetes. When I am fasting for 12 hours, I get the privilege of cutting through the line and have my blood drawn as quickly as possible. I do get mean looks though. “Why is she going through? Isn’t she going to pick a number? They let her in and I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes!” I know that’s what they are thinking because if I wasn’t type 1 diabetic and know about my condition, I would probably think the same if I would see someone “healthy” cutting through the line.

“Sorry, my pancreas is busted. For life. I get priority.”

Sometimes, there’s a line and I need to wait behind other people while we wait, and I remember one time, clearly. While my mother was still alive, she would go with me every single time. I was old enough to drive and go by myself, but she would insist on driving me and be by my side. And one time as we were waiting in line, there were people talking in front of us saying how “Blood tests every two weeks is soooo much stress” and my mother would say something along the lines of “Well my daughter has at least 5 injections per day. For life.” The people would look at me and turn around, their conversations cut dry. Of course, my mother didn’t want to insult them, or even make it awkward for me to stand there, all eyes on me, wondering why I had to use needles 5 times a day.

And I remember my diagnosis, my mother crying next to me, seeing her as white as snow when they had to draw blood from me for several tests. No, not tiny vials, big jars. I had never seen this much blood drawn from a single person in my life, and while I was fascinated that I could live without that much blood loss, my mother would wait outside my hospital room and cry, comforted by my newly diagnosed with Crohne’s disease roommate’s mother. And I would tell her not to cry, that I was lucky to have been diagnosed on time (With a BG of 42 mmol… or 756mg) and that I would live. You have to know that I lost a sister when I was 17 and so my mother was having a mental break down. Would she lose another child? Would she become childless and go insane?

Now that I am a mother, I know exactly what she was feeling.

So back to the blood tests. I was sitting down, waiting for the nurse to come to me and do her magic, when a mother walks in with what looked like a no more than 2 years old little girl, and about 5 years old little boy. They both look fine, so I assume the woman didn’t have any babysitter and had to get blood tests done. But then she tells the little boy to sit on the chair. And he looks scared. Not petrified, but scared enough that his face goes white really quickly, but he still manages to keep his cool. Then the mother asks him if he wants his little sister sitting next to him, “to help” she says. The mother looks as stressed as she can, but tries to keep cool for her children.

My nurse comes, I extend my arm, she does her magic, but my eyes are on the little boy.

A nurse goes to him and explains the purpose of the instruments she’s using. He knows, I can tell. He’s been there before. And while I’m thinking to myself “It doesn’t hurt, it just pinches a little” I still remember how I felt seeing a big needle and my own blood escaping my body. So my heart goes for him and I feel my eyes fill up with water because I am now imagining my son sitting in that chair.

The little boy starts to cry as the needle goes in and all I want to do is go over there and hug him tightly and tell his sister, his two years old sister, that she’s very brave to want to help her big brother. And I want to hug the mother and tell her she’s strong and that everything is going to be alright.

I hear the nurse tell the little boy “It’s okay to cry sweety, don’t be ashamed, when we’re hurt or scared, we cry, it’s totally normal.” And while she’s drawing blood from him, she’s talking to him telling him that he is strong, that he’s lucky to have a little sister that loves him so much, she helps him.

My blood tests are done, I get up, grab my backpack, put on my sweater, give one last look of empathy to the little boy and walk out the hospital. I don’t know if he was diabetic or if the blood tests were meant for something else, but now tears are falling down my cheeks because I am SO glad it wasn’t my son sitting in that chair.

And a father walks towards me, talking to his little boy, saying “You’re not gonna cry, right? Please promise me you won’t cry.” And my empathy is gone, in an instant, as they come by me and past. I hear the little boy say “I promise.” But I can feel the fear in his voice.

Children cry, it’s totally normal. But as the little boy cried, I felt the mother was even stronger than anyone in the room. And probably even stronger than the father who walked past me.

Weight loss journey: Weight-in #4

One month in the making. Have I made it to my goal of losing 20 pounds? Sadly, no. I found that it was very difficult, especially with diabetes, to keep away from the “points”… The Calories. With a low comes orange juice and snacks. Glucose tablets don’t work fast enough for me and cost much more than a pack of 8 juices in the end. I’m glad to have found out through the last weeks that having my husband around didn’t impact my food choices! When we ate out, I always had something healthy when usually I would be inclined to go to McD’s or have an A&W mama burger. Topped with their onion rings of course. And even though it smells delicious, I want to taste freshness, not grease indulged food. That, and Aaden is a big motivation as I don’t want to share a burger with him, so I pick something healthier like a cajun chicken wrap with two choices of salads.

I trained this week more than I did last week. Bob Harper killed my arms this week. And my knees have become weaker but that’s another problem that goes along the lines of my carpal tunnel syndrome waking me in the middle of the night despite the wrist brace. And sharp pains in my joints that I associate with possible arthritis. At 30. Awesome. Who wants to meet a girl who didn’t care about her body enough that at 30 she’s got the body of a 70 year old’s? Don’t look too far, you’re reading her blog!

Whoa there nellie, let’s not get -too- negative! Focus on the positive, right? That’s what I tell myself when I step on the scale lately. Last week was zero loss. This week; one pound. 205. Still a loss, I know, but it gets discouraging to see the scale glare at me with it’s digital numbers of hell. Of course it’s 11 pounds gone, and this actually marks 5% body weight, also gone! Something I should be celebrating. Why am I not happy with the number? Why do I keep stressing myself out?

I had a conversation yesterday with my husband as we were eating at our favourite vegetarian restaurant, and one subject became another and lead to him telling me that I am stressed all the time. I don’t enjoy (Or well don’t look like I am enjoying) my days. If something’s not done, like the dishes or laundry, I go into interior rage mode and fume from the inside. And I have to work on that. I want everything done in one day, and sometimes, I don’t realize that it’s at my son’s and husband’s cost. I need to find a moment and relax. Accept the fact that I am not a “supermom” or “super wife” and that I should take things lightly. Well, most things. I need to find a book that will somewhat teach me how to do those things. I need to chill out on several things; cleaning, moving, packing, daily chores, missing my family, losing a long time friend, accept major change… And never -ever- let my husband and son down. Those are the most important people in my life, the ones that matter most.

At least I’m aware of what I need to change, right? Step 1, denial… Step 2…

What is step 2 anyways?

This moment yesterday was one of the few where I just stopped doing everything I was doing and smiled. Enjoyed the fact that my son is the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Ever.

The strength of a non diabetic husband.

I don’t mention my husband a lot in my blog, unless it’s to say that he’s working for my son and I really hard, gone weeks at a time. But I feel the need to take at least one blog post (this one) to brag talk about him.

His name is Aaron and he is Taiwanese. GASP. Interracial couple! No wonder why Aaden is so cute, right? Aaron is actually from the United States, Wisconsin to be exact. Me being from Canada, the french province of Quebec no less, makes you think “Oh, they’ve met online!” and you’re right. But we didn’t meet on a dating site nor FaceBook, we met on an online game called Guild Wars, being in the same guild, doing quests and missions together… Until out relationship grew, decided to meet offline and he bought a plane ticket to come see me. Then I decided to sponsor him as he moved here with me. Long and expensive process, but very worth it.

I want the world to know that I’m head over heels in love with this man. I want to shout how much I’m lucky to have him in my life. Through thick and thin he’s stuck with me; my mother’s cancer, her death, my depression after her passing, the process of getting my new insulin pump, my tough pregnancy with Aaden… Every step of the way, he had a shoulder for me to cry on, a smile to keep me going, a juice box for my lows to be fixed.  And then my father got him a life changing job that would require him to be gone weeks at a time, working on hydro dams, far off into the north in different provinces. He missed Aaden’s birth. He missed Aaden’s first steps, his first birthday… And even though he misses us (and we miss him) he is working his butt off for us. 7 days a week, 77 hours of work per week. To bring in the money for us to live well, for me to be able to enjoy my insulin pump and not go back to the horrid shots. My husband, through everything, has always had a smile for me, good words of encouragement, even when I would cry on Skype and he couldn’t hug me, comfort me, he in his own way would find a way to be able to anyway.

The fact that he is so in tuned with my diabetes shock me sometimes. I say “Juice.” and he knows I’m low. If I’m low, he knows the confusion and anger I’m projecting isn’t personal. He drops everything he’s doing in an instant and comes to my rescue, my hero in shining armour. When I had highs during my pregnancy and that I would spend sleepless nights, testing every hour to bring it down as quickly as possible, crying over the fact that I didn’t want to hurt Aaden as he was being created in my womb, he would sit next to me and tell me everything was going to be okay. When I cried when I got my pump because I thought my mother would be so proud of me, he held my hand and squeezed it gently, letting me know that he agreed in silence. When I would realize I almost had no insulin left in my vial, he would get dressed and go to the drug store in a heart beat. I would test, I’d see a 2.3mmol (41mg) and I’d tell him the number, he would run to the fridge to grab me a juice box. He’s not diabetic, but he understands the numbers. He learned, to be in tune with me. To understand me, and be part of my diabetic life.

Taken from Type 1 diabetes Meme Facebook page.

Did I mention that my husband is going to turn 23 in june? Young to have all this put on his shoulders, but he stuck with me, all these years. And I’m so very thankful for him.

Oh yeah, he is also coming back TODAY! For a few weeks before the has to go back. But not to worry, I will be blogging just the same.

Our wedding day, October 2008

Weight loss: weight-in #2

What a week! Actually, it’s been pretty boring for the most part, non-dabetic wise; rain, cold, no walks outside unless it’s to go to the car and drive to the grocery store. I think it’s the only outings I’ve done with my son and it showed! He got back at me almost all week, Mr. Grumpy face. Well, the fact that four, yes FOUR teeth are coming out is making him extra grumpy, so it doesn’t help. But no park trip, no walks outside, just plain old inside watching Baby TV when we’re not playing games or I’m not doing house chores or playing Zumba.

Diabetic wise, my body decided to step up and kick my butt. I had to put my basal rate at 75% basically all week and I blame that one two things; weight loss and physical activities. I’m moving. A whole lot than I was before I started this weight loss journey. When I sit on the couch, I remind myself “Isn’t there anything else to do that would require me to actually move?” and then there’s something. There is -always- something to do. Dishes, vacuuming, cleaning, playing with my son, you name it. So I was low more often than I was high. Look see for yourself!

See all the red dots? Those are lows from this week. Eek!

So for all the calories I would spend, I would eat back a lot. Orange juice, followed by bananas or nuts.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

And this is how I felt for most of the week...

I wasn’t expecting much change in my weight. I mean, my pants have become slightly looser, but I blamed that on wearing them like three times in a row and them becoming stretched. Although when I looked in the mirror, my “muffin top” looks more like a “bread top”. Love handles that are asking for still too much love. So this morning, I hopped on the scale. And then I remembered; yesterday was a bad day before a weight-in! Went to my uncle’s, ate lasagna, a Tiramisu, drank a glass of wine and had a scoop of maple ice cream… Yup, I busted my Weight Watcher’s points and went into those cheat points. I should have weighted myself beforehand, but oh well. Let’s see…

So as I stepped on the scale, thinking about my week, the orange juice at 90 calories a glass, had about 15 to 20 of those for sure… My night before, where all the good foods crashed in my system… But took in account all the Zumba I’ve danced, the soccer I played with my son, the cleaning I’ve done… And I stared at the scale at what seemed like an eternity before it showed me the numbers.

206.4 Lbs.

Two hundred and six (point four). From last week, I have made it to my goal of losing 5 lbs once again! I’ve lost five pounds! So that means that I’ve lost 10 lbs since the beginning of my weight loss journey! Me! Someone who is blaming everything on the fact that being diabetic is contributing to my weight gain. That being diabetic makes it even harder to lose weight. (It -is- true though…) That for all these years, I’ve blamed it on being diabetic and my crazy insulin intake, the lows, having to drink juice all the time… And I’ve lost more weight in two weeks than I have in about 10 months.

I can do this. Today, I’ve realized that yes, I can do this!

And I’ve got to keep that line going downwards!

iBGStar Review

I’ve finally received my iBGStar from Sanofi Aventis! I say finally because Canada post -again- did not deliver to my door and instead sent it to the post office. I blame this on a lazy postman.

I was very excited to get it, so much that I’ve basically let aside my chores for the day. No store visit for this lady today! (Bananas will have to wait, Aaden… Sorry!)

I’ve made a review video about it which I will integrate into this post at the bottom of it. So if you don’t feel like reading, go watch the video!

First, while the animations are purely decorative and entertaining, I love seeing my iPhone telling me to put blood on the test strip and make a futuristic animation of my blood going into the device and being tested. Super cool! (I bet this will even make my non-diabetic friends jealous and they most likely will want to try it out too just for the heck of it!) It’s easy to set up; even though I read the instructions to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong, it would have been easy to just connect the iBGStar, as it was already charged, and start testing right away. I was high, I knew this, but I didn’t care about spoiling my device with my super sugary blood, so I tested right away, along with my old OneTouch meter, to see if the readings matched. And they did, so everything was set to go!

Here are some positive points about the iBGStar:

  • Small; about 1/6th of the size of your iPhone or iPod;
  • Free app; just download it straight to your iPhone or iPod;
  • Track your BG on charts; up to 90 days of tracking on one single chart, easy for your endo to read;
  • Statistics e-mail friendly; Your endo needs some results on charts? One single press of a button and it’s right on his desk(top);
  • Built-in user guide; no more downloads from websites after losing your user guide;
  • Syncs readings to your iPhone when connected if you have made a reading while disconnected;
  • Goes where your iPhone or iPod goes;
  • Charges alone or with your iPod and iPhone. Just connect to the wall or into your iPhone or iPod and your iBGStar charges!

And for some negatives:

  • iPhone and iPod battery vampirism; the iBGStar loves your device’s energy! Sucks it right out to charge itself, unless your device is on hibernating mode;
  • No customizable backgrounds; you have the choice of 6 pre made backgrounds to chose from.

So far, so good! I can’t see anything else that is a negative. So that was a small review, yes, but I’m sure I will have much more to say about the iBGStar in the next coming weeks as I get accustomed to my new toy.

;

Journey into weight loss: Weight-in #1

And here we are. One week later. One week of Weight Watchers point system. I was surprised how easy it would be to follow, maybe because I’m so used to tracking my blood sugar, I didn’t find it a chore to keep tracking points.

I walked a lot, I was more active than usual, and I made most of my food from scratch. Time consuming, but nothing I can’t handle. Even with Aaden needing my attention every 5 minutes!

I felt more… Awake. I felt like I had more energy all week long. Maybe because I’m motivated, maybe because of this lifestyle change, but even my friend noticed when she saw me yesterday. And most of the time, I can keep up with my little boy and play ”soccer” with him. (Mostly he’s just throwing the ball because kicking isn’t his forte yet!).

I’ve dreaded the scale for the longest time. So needless to say that when I hopped on I was expecting no change. A 216lbs. I was kind of expecting no change because I’m used to it I think. But deep down, I knew my active week had played on my weight. So. Tiptoed on the scale and waited for the numbers to show. 211. Two hundred and eleven. I dropped 5 lbs! Hey! No too shabby! I was thinking I’d lost 2 lbs at most, but 5 I can deal with! Let’s say I lose the same amount every week, in one month I will have lost 20lbs! I think I’ll make that my goal then! Keep focus and lose the same amount weekly, until the crazy plateau comes knocking at my door.

I like!

On top of that, My blood sugars have been amazing all week! Okay, the occasional spike occurred, but most of the time I was in the normal range! Hey, there’s another good reason to keep it up, right?

5 likes and dislikes about being a diabetic mom!

A fellow blogger suggested I make this post after the 5 likes and dislikes about being a mom. Great idea! And I’m sure other diabetic moms out there will be able to relate! If you’re diabetic and don’t have kids, here’s what you can be expecting later in life about being a mommy!

5 likes:

  1. Healthy lifestyle! Having a baby gave me a great reason to take (better) care of my diabetes. I need to be as healthy as I can to be there for him later in life!;
  2. Are you a couch potato? Not anymore! Running after your toddler will have your BG drop often! At least in -my- case…;
  3. Healthy foods! Watch those carbs, eat more vegetables! Before being diabetic, I would eat anything, really. And Probably would give Aaden a “HappyMeal” much more often. Now that I know what foods can actually do to him, because of what I’ve learned as a diabetic, Aaden has a healthy lifestyle!;
  4. Amazing snacks! Seriously. When I’m low, I tend to look for anything high in carbs. Now, I tend to grab snacks I buy for Aaden, which in turn are pretty delicious and healthier!;
  5. A reason -never- to give up. Sometimes, as most diabetics will feel, I get really bummed out. Angry at life for giving me this disease. Not getting up in the morning sounds like a great idea… But when you hear your child babbling in his crib in the morning, laugh with you during the day and fall asleep in your arms at night, you’ve truly have found a reason to never, ever give up.

5 dislikes:

  1. Hypoglycemias. On their own, they are manageable. With a screaming kid clamped to your leg, it’s extremely infuriating;
  2. Pump users, warning! Aaden thinks the transparent tube that sometimes is dangling out of my pants is an amazing toy and tends to yank on it often;
  3. Dangerous wandering test strips. Sometimes I don’t realize it but I’ve dropped a used test strip on the floor. Aaden likes to taste everything that’s on the floor. Yeah, you know where I’m going with that;
  4. The fear that he might become diabetic. Sure, anyone could become type 1 or type 2. But being diabetic, your child has even more chances. I really wish Aaden to stay healthy, always.
  5. Pregnancy. I hated my pregnancy. The whole thing. Gaining 62 lbs, having to take 50 units for breakfast instead of 6, constantly having to readjust my insulin intake because of continuously raging hormones… Not cool!

What about you? If your a diabetic mom, I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re not a mom yet, what are your fears and expectations?

Raspberries on the cheek!

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