Advertisements

DiabeticallyYours

Living life as a Type 1 Diabetic.

Archive for the tag “exercise”

Why I lied to my weight loss coach.

I rarely lie. Very rarely. The reason is simple; I’m a lousy liar and get trampled in the lies. I like being truthful anyways; it’s less trouble and I feel much better about myself. I do lie on occasion though, random little white lies everyone makes. “Hey, how are you doing?” to which I would reply “I’m fine!” when I’m not. You know, the usual little white lies we so often do on a regular basis. Just so we don’t annoy anyone or don’t hurt their feelings. So why did I lie to my weight loss coach? I had to ask myself that question for a while before I found the right answer.

No one wants to feel shame. No one wants to accept that we fail and everyone wants to give proper explanation to everyone to justify the way they look, talk, eat, etc… And why do we? Is society that bad that we want to protect our image to the point of resembling the “normal” standards? Let me explain…

I’ve been starting this weight loss journey (Lost 2 lbs so far… Definitely not a big loss, but it’s a loss!) to be healthy, to stay alive, to be there for my son. I hate the way I look, so of course that’s another reason. As I was talking with my coach, she wanted explanations regarding my type 1 diabetes. She knew what type 2 was but had never met someone with type 1. Granted, type 1 diabetics only represent about 5% of all diabetics. It’s a much different disease and it’s hard to make people understand. It should be carrying a whole different name as it is. And through all these years, I’ve had to constantly explain to people what Type 1 diabetes was; show them that it’s not at all like type 2s, and that before it being called type 1 diabetes, it was called (And still is to this day) juvenile diabetes because most diabetics would be diagnosed under the age of 10. So then, why did I become diabetic at age 24? Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease and it attacks the beta cells in your pancreas, destroying them and taking away your ability to produce insulin. Simple as that. But not so simple when you don’t know the disease and really not simple when people question your age and the disease.

So, I lied. I didn’t want to explain how it got there, why it chose me, give statistics and whatnot, but most of all, I didn’t want to battle and explain that it wasn’t because I’m fat. Most type 2 diabetics become diabetics because of an unhealthy lifestyle and most will be overweight on diagnosis. I lied because I didn’t want to explain the fact that even though I’m overweight, it wasn’t the cause of my disease. When I was diagnosed, I wasn’t overweight to start with. But that’s, again, more explanations on explanations and I’m just tired of having to explain all the time. So instead I chose to lie. I told her I had been diabetic since the age of 4. By saying that, I skipped the whole questionnaire process and simply had to explain the way my insulin pump worked. And I felt so bad. And I still do.

Why do we lie? To save time? To validate the way we feel and look? It makes no sense to me. But one thing I know is that whenever I lie, even if the lie is so tiny it wouldn’t hurt anyone, I feel horrible for days. A good quality, but also a bad one, as remorse is amplified ten times worth.

Do you lie to justify the way you look? Do you lie to save explaining things?

I have. And it’s bugging the creeps out of me.

Advertisements

Crazy busy, crazy BG.

OH dear gods.

Hi! It’s me again! I’m… Back! Somehow! It’s been one crazy ride through the gaming community on my part.

All this started with me starting a blog about a game I really love, Guild Wars 2. It’s actually a fan site and, after ArenaNet promoted it on their Facebook page, it boomed. I got really busy managing this community and, well, I was in the process of moving, too! So, creating a new community, moving to a new city, packing, unpacking, then new plans about Chronicles of Tyria (The community) with a brand new podcast, contests, holy gee I’m extremely busy. Being with Aaden, alone at home (My husband got another contract in another province!) I’m managing a community, a podcast, a toddler, a house and, most importantly, diabetes.

How hard is it to manage diabetes when you’ve got crazy events going on? Well, I’m really not good at it, to be honest. I need to setup a routine. I need to start working out again. (Oh yeah, don’t get me started on my weight loss journey, because that went down the Drain!) Good news is; Aaden is starting daycare at the end of August. So I’ll be able to work during the day on the community (Right now I ‘work’ until 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning and during Aaden’s naps) and I’ll get some more sleep.

The upside of working so hard is that the community is blooming. We’ve hit more than 80 subscribers in 2 weeks for our podcast, more than 2.5k views! Super stoked about it!

Downside; I’m not testing my BG as often as I could. Sometimes I end up having hypos during the podcast recordings, so I have to set my mic on mute and drink a juice box. Not the best diabetes management. Sometimes I test before meals and I’m at 15. What was that about? Oh, right… I didn’t test before breakfast because I was answering emails, keeping  up with Facebook and twitter, scheduling meet ups… And the list goes on.

Also, I’d like to point out something to people who say that “Being a stay at home mom give you all the time in the world to do everything you need to do”.

Having a baby/toddler/kid at home is like being at work. But work lasts around, oh, ALL DAY, you get no break and you have to cook meals for your boss on top of it. It’s all fun and games when we go to the park, when we cuddle after we played for a while, but you’re always busy non the less. You pick up toys; constantly. You do groceries but really, you have to hurry up so you can get home before lunch, prepare lunch, undo bags, feed your kid, put him to bed for his nap and then, you get to sit down for about 15 minutes. Afterwhich you need to do the dishes, clean whatever mess you left in the kitchen and all the food your son threw on the ground because it looked like the best thing to do at the time… And then, you prepare things for diner and work a little if you can.

I’m not sure I want to list all the things you need to do, but having to manage diabetes on TOP of it all, I find extremely difficult.  Sometimes I don’t test before bed anymore. I’m so extremely tired that I flop in bed, sometimes still dressed, just to get up in the morning and since, lather, repeat.

Here’s a little look see at my very bad diabetes management. Don’t be scared!

Courtesy of my super duper iBGStar which is neglected!

 

When I went to see my endo last april… She said my control was excellent. I wonder how disappointed she would be right now.

And somehow, I wish more people would understand what it feels like to live with diabetes. Maybe they would give me a break sometimes!

I will be updating my blog more often, that’s for sure. I won’t be rambling much on the community, but more about diabetes and about being a mom, you know, things I used to be blogging about Haha!

Surprise, Surprise…

Sometimes you feel like a failure. You think “Maybe I’m just meant to fail.” like everything you do turns to dust, never to gold. You never finish what you’ve started. Sometimes, you just have the wrong mindset.

It’s hard to get out of a mindset where everything seems to be falling apart. Everything around you is evolving quickly and you’re standing there, in the dark, with nowhere to go. I think it just takes one tiny thing to get out of this state and resume being you.

I was fairly happy last week, but not so about my performance with weight loss. Tracked my point system, but ate a lot of junk food. Drank more wine than I should’ve, didn’t move as much as I could. So I wasn’t expecting much with the scale, rather a gain than a loss. But, I still hopped on the scale this morning. Dreading it, loathing it, loathing myself. “I could’ve done better. And I didn’t.

That was my mindset.

But when sometimes you think you’re doing it wrong, for this and that reason, something works out for you anyways. And for that reason, I have lost 3 other pounds. 202 lbs. Huh!

All of a sudden,  my mindset changed. When I was seeing black, now I see positively. I realized that even though I didn’t do what I should’ve done, I have done what I could, and not worse. Because I could’ve ate junk all week, but I didn’t. Because I could’ve stayed at my computer all week, but I still played with my son and walked outside.

So sometimes, you might be discouraged, feeling blue, unworthy… All you need is a little tiny thing that’ll make you smile, and you keep on going.

Like every other things in life.

Silly things make me smile. You?

Weight loss journey: Weight-in #4

One month in the making. Have I made it to my goal of losing 20 pounds? Sadly, no. I found that it was very difficult, especially with diabetes, to keep away from the “points”… The Calories. With a low comes orange juice and snacks. Glucose tablets don’t work fast enough for me and cost much more than a pack of 8 juices in the end. I’m glad to have found out through the last weeks that having my husband around didn’t impact my food choices! When we ate out, I always had something healthy when usually I would be inclined to go to McD’s or have an A&W mama burger. Topped with their onion rings of course. And even though it smells delicious, I want to taste freshness, not grease indulged food. That, and Aaden is a big motivation as I don’t want to share a burger with him, so I pick something healthier like a cajun chicken wrap with two choices of salads.

I trained this week more than I did last week. Bob Harper killed my arms this week. And my knees have become weaker but that’s another problem that goes along the lines of my carpal tunnel syndrome waking me in the middle of the night despite the wrist brace. And sharp pains in my joints that I associate with possible arthritis. At 30. Awesome. Who wants to meet a girl who didn’t care about her body enough that at 30 she’s got the body of a 70 year old’s? Don’t look too far, you’re reading her blog!

Whoa there nellie, let’s not get -too- negative! Focus on the positive, right? That’s what I tell myself when I step on the scale lately. Last week was zero loss. This week; one pound. 205. Still a loss, I know, but it gets discouraging to see the scale glare at me with it’s digital numbers of hell. Of course it’s 11 pounds gone, and this actually marks 5% body weight, also gone! Something I should be celebrating. Why am I not happy with the number? Why do I keep stressing myself out?

I had a conversation yesterday with my husband as we were eating at our favourite vegetarian restaurant, and one subject became another and lead to him telling me that I am stressed all the time. I don’t enjoy (Or well don’t look like I am enjoying) my days. If something’s not done, like the dishes or laundry, I go into interior rage mode and fume from the inside. And I have to work on that. I want everything done in one day, and sometimes, I don’t realize that it’s at my son’s and husband’s cost. I need to find a moment and relax. Accept the fact that I am not a “supermom” or “super wife” and that I should take things lightly. Well, most things. I need to find a book that will somewhat teach me how to do those things. I need to chill out on several things; cleaning, moving, packing, daily chores, missing my family, losing a long time friend, accept major change… And never -ever- let my husband and son down. Those are the most important people in my life, the ones that matter most.

At least I’m aware of what I need to change, right? Step 1, denial… Step 2…

What is step 2 anyways?

This moment yesterday was one of the few where I just stopped doing everything I was doing and smiled. Enjoyed the fact that my son is the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Ever.

The blood test chronicles.

It might sound weird, but every 3 to 6 months, I am excited about my blood tests. It might be just a diabetic thing, but I’m thrilled to go to my endocrinologist’s to have my test results read to me. Partly because I love to know what my body has been up too from change to change. Especially now with my weight loss and my beautiful BG readings, I am expecting a nice A1C. My last one, 6 months ago, was of 6.7 and I wasn’t very thrilled with it. My BG was high very often and I wasn’t being very careful about it, mostly because Aaden was still very young and testing my BG was optional to me. I had other priorities, being alone with my son.

And so next week, I have an appointment with my endo, so I need to go for blood tests. Only if my body would cooperate.

I have been so active, eating so well, my blood sugars have been great! Only thing is that I have hypos during the night now. So, two nights ago, I needed to drink and eat in the middle of the night, so I couldn’t go for the blood tests since I need to be fasting for 12 hours. Last night, everything went well, but as I got up this morning and tested my BG, I saw 3.2 mmol on the meter (57.6mg). No way am I going to drive and hurry up to the hospital for blood tests with this reading. So tonight, I think my best option is to set my basal down on my insulin pump. 75% maybe. I have to get those done to have my results next week!

To think that before being a diabetic, I was scared of blood tests, scared of needles… And now my daily life has them around and I don’t even notice it. Crazy how you get used to things. And how people around you get used to those, too.

In other news, my husband learned that his step-father was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes this week. It is becoming an epidemic. Almost everyone has someone in their family with type 2 diabetes. Sometimes though, I wish they were type 1 so I could relate with others like me, in person.

Weight loss: weight-in #2

What a week! Actually, it’s been pretty boring for the most part, non-dabetic wise; rain, cold, no walks outside unless it’s to go to the car and drive to the grocery store. I think it’s the only outings I’ve done with my son and it showed! He got back at me almost all week, Mr. Grumpy face. Well, the fact that four, yes FOUR teeth are coming out is making him extra grumpy, so it doesn’t help. But no park trip, no walks outside, just plain old inside watching Baby TV when we’re not playing games or I’m not doing house chores or playing Zumba.

Diabetic wise, my body decided to step up and kick my butt. I had to put my basal rate at 75% basically all week and I blame that one two things; weight loss and physical activities. I’m moving. A whole lot than I was before I started this weight loss journey. When I sit on the couch, I remind myself “Isn’t there anything else to do that would require me to actually move?” and then there’s something. There is -always- something to do. Dishes, vacuuming, cleaning, playing with my son, you name it. So I was low more often than I was high. Look see for yourself!

See all the red dots? Those are lows from this week. Eek!

So for all the calories I would spend, I would eat back a lot. Orange juice, followed by bananas or nuts.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

And this is how I felt for most of the week...

I wasn’t expecting much change in my weight. I mean, my pants have become slightly looser, but I blamed that on wearing them like three times in a row and them becoming stretched. Although when I looked in the mirror, my “muffin top” looks more like a “bread top”. Love handles that are asking for still too much love. So this morning, I hopped on the scale. And then I remembered; yesterday was a bad day before a weight-in! Went to my uncle’s, ate lasagna, a Tiramisu, drank a glass of wine and had a scoop of maple ice cream… Yup, I busted my Weight Watcher’s points and went into those cheat points. I should have weighted myself beforehand, but oh well. Let’s see…

So as I stepped on the scale, thinking about my week, the orange juice at 90 calories a glass, had about 15 to 20 of those for sure… My night before, where all the good foods crashed in my system… But took in account all the Zumba I’ve danced, the soccer I played with my son, the cleaning I’ve done… And I stared at the scale at what seemed like an eternity before it showed me the numbers.

206.4 Lbs.

Two hundred and six (point four). From last week, I have made it to my goal of losing 5 lbs once again! I’ve lost five pounds! So that means that I’ve lost 10 lbs since the beginning of my weight loss journey! Me! Someone who is blaming everything on the fact that being diabetic is contributing to my weight gain. That being diabetic makes it even harder to lose weight. (It -is- true though…) That for all these years, I’ve blamed it on being diabetic and my crazy insulin intake, the lows, having to drink juice all the time… And I’ve lost more weight in two weeks than I have in about 10 months.

I can do this. Today, I’ve realized that yes, I can do this!

And I’ve got to keep that line going downwards!

Oh hi Active life!

And it’s packing day! And probably will be packing week as we’re moving in about 2 months! Packing, if done at my pace, is a pretty nice workout I’ve found. I’ve dropped low 2 times until I decided to put m pump at 50% of it’s usual basal rate. But then, I decided that I would work my elliptical machine while Aaden would nap (and is still napping. The only time I can blog without interruption!) so 20 minutes of intense “running”, I had to lower my basal rate at 25%. And still go low. I think I’m working too hard -or- need to lower it even more.

As for my blood sugar, it’s been dropping like a bullet. I am blaming this on weight loss and I’m not going to complain about it, HAH! I can fix a low very easily, however, it’s much harder to lose weight.

Speaking of blood sugar, I’m waiting for Canada postal service to deliver my new precious little baby; the iBGstar. Fellow blogger Diabuddies blogged about it and got me hooked. Next thing you know, I’m ordering the thing. Will be posting reviews about it soon so keep reading!

Until then, stay healthy!

Weight loss journey: part 1

Weight loss. How I envy people who find it easy. For years (And even before I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes) I’ve struggled with my weight, tried to lose it, cope with it, hate it and love it. At one point I did have extra baggage but I was still beautiful. I think the peak of my beauty was seen at my wedding, but what woman isn’t pretty on her big day? (Okay, there are some but you’re missing the point here!) I look at those pictures today and wish I could go back there and slap myself for thinking I was fat! That crazy woman who got married in 2008 definitely grew, matured through the years, but gained a whole lot of weight. 52 pounds to be exact. (Ouch!)

I like to follow bloggers that are active, that lose weight, that love life, that can achieve so much just with their will power and recently I’ve found two bloggers who love to run and blog about it. And even though I am not in shape to run a marathon, I am excited for them, strangers as they may be. I would love to run a marathon (and call me crazy for wanting to run it with my son in his stroller HAH!) and so it feels like I’m running with them. I’m talking about RunningWithInsulin and Insulin Runner (Yes, they are type 1 diabetics as well! Strong will let me tell ya!) But both of them, and especially the post on RunningWithInsulin are also beginning to inspire me. They are diabetics. They Run. They can do both and maintain a healthy lifestyle. They can do it. And I’m starting to think I can too.

For the past year I’ve given myself the ultimate reason not to lose the weight. I’ve got not time, too tired.” My husband works in a different province so I am alone with my 1 year old son 24/7, weeks at a time. And being a mom is insanely hard at the beginning when you’re alone. I would not sleep at night, I was tired all the time, I would go crazy if I couldn’t clean the house, do the dishes, the laundry, the groceries… Until I’ve learnt to put priorities in order. So what if the dishes aren’t done? It’s okay for two dust bunnies to hang out under the couch for a couple of days, right? And then something magical happened. Aaden (My son) decided it was time to sleep all night. From 7:30PM to 6:00 AM. I. Can. Sleep. And then the “Too tired” excuse slowly left.

There is no excuse now. I’m a stay at home mom. I’ve all the time in the world, right? Well, not all of it, but more than most moms!

My husband left again yesterday, so this morning, I got up (Well, Aaden woke me up), ate breakfast with my son, got dressed, dressed him up and went on on a walk. It’s beautiful today, too! I walked (Fast paced of course) 2.2KM (Which is 1.36miles). Not a lot, but it’s a beginning. And instead of grabbing a coffee at Tim Hortons, I grabbed myself a green tea! Small changes, beginning of something, for sure.

I think that by blogging about my weight loss I might actually do it this time. Let’s set myself a goal; Lose 62 pounds by March 12, 2013.  That means go from 212lbs (I know. Ouch.) to 150lbs in a year.

Aiming too high? Or reachable goal? 

This is me at my wedding, 160lbs.

And this is me at 212 lbs… Long way to go!

(No, I’m not the one with the white beard, I’m the Eggplant on the right!)

Post Navigation