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DiabeticallyYours

Living life as a Type 1 Diabetic.

Archive for the category “Family life”

Busy world & sabotage

My last “official” post was on April 24th.  How it went by so quickly, I have no idea! I have been really busy with many things (preparing for the move on June 2nd, everyday challenges, spending time with my husband and son, and, believe it or not, playing online games).

Last weekend was the 1st official Beta weekend event from Guild Wars 2, an online game (Or MMO for those who are familiar with the term). My husband and I actually met on Guild Wars 1, so needless to say that GW2 has a lot of sentimental value for us. So during the weekend, we tried to spend as much time in the Beta as we could. (For those who don’t know, a beta is when the game opens for only a certain amount of players and that’s when we test for bugs, gameplay, give feedback, etc… Before the official release). We played so much, my butt hurt. Sitting for so long and not being used to it and all…

And so, when the Beta was over, I decided to work on another website, for GW2 fans, Chronicles Of Tyria. So no, I’m not sponsored by GW2 (ArenaNet) in any way, (Although I’d love to, HAH!) and that’s why it’s a fan site. If you love games, you can check it out. If you love writing, I suggest you check it out as well, because from time to time, I’m going to have some guest posts there. Plus, I’m currently building a forum for it.

So all of this website building stuff has had most of my time. It is very time consuming, especially when you’re new at it.

Diabetes wise: my blood sugars haven’t been all that great. I am not moving as much as I used to, so the new basals I had set up in my pump aren’t very accurate with a sedentary life. Less movement, less lows, more highs. You know the drill.

Weight loss wise: I haven’t touched a scale in two weeks. I am following my weight watchers point system (For the most part) but I’m not moving as much, so I am very reluctant to stepping on the scale tomorrow morning for a weight-in. I have no clue if I have gained weight, but I sure didn’t loss any. Pretty sure.

In other news, my husband is going back to work on monday for another 6 weeks, so I need to re-establish my routine and prepare for the move. Good thing we hired movers, or else I would assume fetal position, rock back and forth and hide under the kitchen table.

So… let’s see what tomorrow’s scale is going to do to me.

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The power of an Aquarium.

When you have kids, you know rechargeable batteries are a necessity in your life. If you don’t have kids, find wisdom in my words.

My son is 15 months old. Old enough to sleep though the night. Unless something’s wrong, Aaden hardly ever needs any comfort from me if ever he wakes up in the middle of the night. He’s able to go back to sleep on his own, and mommy stays in bed, going back to sleep. Oh, I -do- wake up when he does, I think it’s mommy instincts. But I don’t get out of bed unless I have to. Sleep is precious, especially for diabetics. But that’s another topic. Right now, I want to teach you talk to you about the importance of having recharged batteries at all times.

See, my son has this wonderful aquarium in his crib that helps him fall asleep and with which he plays at night if ever he wakes up, and eventually falls back asleep. But around midnight, the batteries started to fail us. And no more were they. And it takes 4 size “C” batteries to make this thing work, so they are not rechargeable quickly. It takes about 5 to 6  hours to have a full charge. And so last night, I went from changing his diaper, to rocking him, to soothing him, to giving him a bottle, to sleep on the couch with him so not to disturb my husband, to go to bed with him because it was -not- comfortable on the couch… I even tried putting on the TV, but mister Aaden was wide awake. Maybe because it was 2:30am by that time. Then he wanted to play.

He finally fell asleep around 3:30am, after I put his playlist on my iPod and let it play in his room. Thank you Wonder Pets and Backyardigans.

If I had batteries charged, none of that would have happened. I would have stayed in bed, he would have played with his aquarium, and we both would have fallen asleep without a fuss.

It’s not been long since I stopped feeding him at night, when he was only a tiny little thing, and I had to get up every 2 to 3 hours to feed him. I was tired then, but this morning is another kind of tired. You forget so quickly those sleepless nights with an infant, and get used so quickly to sleeping through the night, that every minute of sleep is appreciated. And sometimes, taken for granted.

So, moral of the story is; keep charged batteries at all times. You might get to sleep an extra four hours.

 

Tiny post, big impact.

What’s YOUR reason?

 

Children’s mighty strength, parent’s broken heart.

When I went for blood tests last friday, the hospital was jammed pack. Mostly with old people and pregnant women as usual. I don’t stay very long or wait for my name to be called because of type 1 diabetes. When I am fasting for 12 hours, I get the privilege of cutting through the line and have my blood drawn as quickly as possible. I do get mean looks though. “Why is she going through? Isn’t she going to pick a number? They let her in and I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes!” I know that’s what they are thinking because if I wasn’t type 1 diabetic and know about my condition, I would probably think the same if I would see someone “healthy” cutting through the line.

“Sorry, my pancreas is busted. For life. I get priority.”

Sometimes, there’s a line and I need to wait behind other people while we wait, and I remember one time, clearly. While my mother was still alive, she would go with me every single time. I was old enough to drive and go by myself, but she would insist on driving me and be by my side. And one time as we were waiting in line, there were people talking in front of us saying how “Blood tests every two weeks is soooo much stress” and my mother would say something along the lines of “Well my daughter has at least 5 injections per day. For life.” The people would look at me and turn around, their conversations cut dry. Of course, my mother didn’t want to insult them, or even make it awkward for me to stand there, all eyes on me, wondering why I had to use needles 5 times a day.

And I remember my diagnosis, my mother crying next to me, seeing her as white as snow when they had to draw blood from me for several tests. No, not tiny vials, big jars. I had never seen this much blood drawn from a single person in my life, and while I was fascinated that I could live without that much blood loss, my mother would wait outside my hospital room and cry, comforted by my newly diagnosed with Crohne’s disease roommate’s mother. And I would tell her not to cry, that I was lucky to have been diagnosed on time (With a BG of 42 mmol… or 756mg) and that I would live. You have to know that I lost a sister when I was 17 and so my mother was having a mental break down. Would she lose another child? Would she become childless and go insane?

Now that I am a mother, I know exactly what she was feeling.

So back to the blood tests. I was sitting down, waiting for the nurse to come to me and do her magic, when a mother walks in with what looked like a no more than 2 years old little girl, and about 5 years old little boy. They both look fine, so I assume the woman didn’t have any babysitter and had to get blood tests done. But then she tells the little boy to sit on the chair. And he looks scared. Not petrified, but scared enough that his face goes white really quickly, but he still manages to keep his cool. Then the mother asks him if he wants his little sister sitting next to him, “to help” she says. The mother looks as stressed as she can, but tries to keep cool for her children.

My nurse comes, I extend my arm, she does her magic, but my eyes are on the little boy.

A nurse goes to him and explains the purpose of the instruments she’s using. He knows, I can tell. He’s been there before. And while I’m thinking to myself “It doesn’t hurt, it just pinches a little” I still remember how I felt seeing a big needle and my own blood escaping my body. So my heart goes for him and I feel my eyes fill up with water because I am now imagining my son sitting in that chair.

The little boy starts to cry as the needle goes in and all I want to do is go over there and hug him tightly and tell his sister, his two years old sister, that she’s very brave to want to help her big brother. And I want to hug the mother and tell her she’s strong and that everything is going to be alright.

I hear the nurse tell the little boy “It’s okay to cry sweety, don’t be ashamed, when we’re hurt or scared, we cry, it’s totally normal.” And while she’s drawing blood from him, she’s talking to him telling him that he is strong, that he’s lucky to have a little sister that loves him so much, she helps him.

My blood tests are done, I get up, grab my backpack, put on my sweater, give one last look of empathy to the little boy and walk out the hospital. I don’t know if he was diabetic or if the blood tests were meant for something else, but now tears are falling down my cheeks because I am SO glad it wasn’t my son sitting in that chair.

And a father walks towards me, talking to his little boy, saying “You’re not gonna cry, right? Please promise me you won’t cry.” And my empathy is gone, in an instant, as they come by me and past. I hear the little boy say “I promise.” But I can feel the fear in his voice.

Children cry, it’s totally normal. But as the little boy cried, I felt the mother was even stronger than anyone in the room. And probably even stronger than the father who walked past me.

Weight loss journey: Weight-in #4

One month in the making. Have I made it to my goal of losing 20 pounds? Sadly, no. I found that it was very difficult, especially with diabetes, to keep away from the “points”… The Calories. With a low comes orange juice and snacks. Glucose tablets don’t work fast enough for me and cost much more than a pack of 8 juices in the end. I’m glad to have found out through the last weeks that having my husband around didn’t impact my food choices! When we ate out, I always had something healthy when usually I would be inclined to go to McD’s or have an A&W mama burger. Topped with their onion rings of course. And even though it smells delicious, I want to taste freshness, not grease indulged food. That, and Aaden is a big motivation as I don’t want to share a burger with him, so I pick something healthier like a cajun chicken wrap with two choices of salads.

I trained this week more than I did last week. Bob Harper killed my arms this week. And my knees have become weaker but that’s another problem that goes along the lines of my carpal tunnel syndrome waking me in the middle of the night despite the wrist brace. And sharp pains in my joints that I associate with possible arthritis. At 30. Awesome. Who wants to meet a girl who didn’t care about her body enough that at 30 she’s got the body of a 70 year old’s? Don’t look too far, you’re reading her blog!

Whoa there nellie, let’s not get -too- negative! Focus on the positive, right? That’s what I tell myself when I step on the scale lately. Last week was zero loss. This week; one pound. 205. Still a loss, I know, but it gets discouraging to see the scale glare at me with it’s digital numbers of hell. Of course it’s 11 pounds gone, and this actually marks 5% body weight, also gone! Something I should be celebrating. Why am I not happy with the number? Why do I keep stressing myself out?

I had a conversation yesterday with my husband as we were eating at our favourite vegetarian restaurant, and one subject became another and lead to him telling me that I am stressed all the time. I don’t enjoy (Or well don’t look like I am enjoying) my days. If something’s not done, like the dishes or laundry, I go into interior rage mode and fume from the inside. And I have to work on that. I want everything done in one day, and sometimes, I don’t realize that it’s at my son’s and husband’s cost. I need to find a moment and relax. Accept the fact that I am not a “supermom” or “super wife” and that I should take things lightly. Well, most things. I need to find a book that will somewhat teach me how to do those things. I need to chill out on several things; cleaning, moving, packing, daily chores, missing my family, losing a long time friend, accept major change… And never -ever- let my husband and son down. Those are the most important people in my life, the ones that matter most.

At least I’m aware of what I need to change, right? Step 1, denial… Step 2…

What is step 2 anyways?

This moment yesterday was one of the few where I just stopped doing everything I was doing and smiled. Enjoyed the fact that my son is the most wonderful thing to happen to me. Ever.

The strength of a non diabetic husband.

I don’t mention my husband a lot in my blog, unless it’s to say that he’s working for my son and I really hard, gone weeks at a time. But I feel the need to take at least one blog post (this one) to brag talk about him.

His name is Aaron and he is Taiwanese. GASP. Interracial couple! No wonder why Aaden is so cute, right? Aaron is actually from the United States, Wisconsin to be exact. Me being from Canada, the french province of Quebec no less, makes you think “Oh, they’ve met online!” and you’re right. But we didn’t meet on a dating site nor FaceBook, we met on an online game called Guild Wars, being in the same guild, doing quests and missions together… Until out relationship grew, decided to meet offline and he bought a plane ticket to come see me. Then I decided to sponsor him as he moved here with me. Long and expensive process, but very worth it.

I want the world to know that I’m head over heels in love with this man. I want to shout how much I’m lucky to have him in my life. Through thick and thin he’s stuck with me; my mother’s cancer, her death, my depression after her passing, the process of getting my new insulin pump, my tough pregnancy with Aaden… Every step of the way, he had a shoulder for me to cry on, a smile to keep me going, a juice box for my lows to be fixed.  And then my father got him a life changing job that would require him to be gone weeks at a time, working on hydro dams, far off into the north in different provinces. He missed Aaden’s birth. He missed Aaden’s first steps, his first birthday… And even though he misses us (and we miss him) he is working his butt off for us. 7 days a week, 77 hours of work per week. To bring in the money for us to live well, for me to be able to enjoy my insulin pump and not go back to the horrid shots. My husband, through everything, has always had a smile for me, good words of encouragement, even when I would cry on Skype and he couldn’t hug me, comfort me, he in his own way would find a way to be able to anyway.

The fact that he is so in tuned with my diabetes shock me sometimes. I say “Juice.” and he knows I’m low. If I’m low, he knows the confusion and anger I’m projecting isn’t personal. He drops everything he’s doing in an instant and comes to my rescue, my hero in shining armour. When I had highs during my pregnancy and that I would spend sleepless nights, testing every hour to bring it down as quickly as possible, crying over the fact that I didn’t want to hurt Aaden as he was being created in my womb, he would sit next to me and tell me everything was going to be okay. When I cried when I got my pump because I thought my mother would be so proud of me, he held my hand and squeezed it gently, letting me know that he agreed in silence. When I would realize I almost had no insulin left in my vial, he would get dressed and go to the drug store in a heart beat. I would test, I’d see a 2.3mmol (41mg) and I’d tell him the number, he would run to the fridge to grab me a juice box. He’s not diabetic, but he understands the numbers. He learned, to be in tune with me. To understand me, and be part of my diabetic life.

Taken from Type 1 diabetes Meme Facebook page.

Did I mention that my husband is going to turn 23 in june? Young to have all this put on his shoulders, but he stuck with me, all these years. And I’m so very thankful for him.

Oh yeah, he is also coming back TODAY! For a few weeks before the has to go back. But not to worry, I will be blogging just the same.

Our wedding day, October 2008

5 likes and dislikes about being a diabetic mom!

A fellow blogger suggested I make this post after the 5 likes and dislikes about being a mom. Great idea! And I’m sure other diabetic moms out there will be able to relate! If you’re diabetic and don’t have kids, here’s what you can be expecting later in life about being a mommy!

5 likes:

  1. Healthy lifestyle! Having a baby gave me a great reason to take (better) care of my diabetes. I need to be as healthy as I can to be there for him later in life!;
  2. Are you a couch potato? Not anymore! Running after your toddler will have your BG drop often! At least in -my- case…;
  3. Healthy foods! Watch those carbs, eat more vegetables! Before being diabetic, I would eat anything, really. And Probably would give Aaden a “HappyMeal” much more often. Now that I know what foods can actually do to him, because of what I’ve learned as a diabetic, Aaden has a healthy lifestyle!;
  4. Amazing snacks! Seriously. When I’m low, I tend to look for anything high in carbs. Now, I tend to grab snacks I buy for Aaden, which in turn are pretty delicious and healthier!;
  5. A reason -never- to give up. Sometimes, as most diabetics will feel, I get really bummed out. Angry at life for giving me this disease. Not getting up in the morning sounds like a great idea… But when you hear your child babbling in his crib in the morning, laugh with you during the day and fall asleep in your arms at night, you’ve truly have found a reason to never, ever give up.

5 dislikes:

  1. Hypoglycemias. On their own, they are manageable. With a screaming kid clamped to your leg, it’s extremely infuriating;
  2. Pump users, warning! Aaden thinks the transparent tube that sometimes is dangling out of my pants is an amazing toy and tends to yank on it often;
  3. Dangerous wandering test strips. Sometimes I don’t realize it but I’ve dropped a used test strip on the floor. Aaden likes to taste everything that’s on the floor. Yeah, you know where I’m going with that;
  4. The fear that he might become diabetic. Sure, anyone could become type 1 or type 2. But being diabetic, your child has even more chances. I really wish Aaden to stay healthy, always.
  5. Pregnancy. I hated my pregnancy. The whole thing. Gaining 62 lbs, having to take 50 units for breakfast instead of 6, constantly having to readjust my insulin intake because of continuously raging hormones… Not cool!

What about you? If your a diabetic mom, I’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re not a mom yet, what are your fears and expectations?

Raspberries on the cheek!

5 likes and 5 dislikes about being a mom!

I couldn’t start with saying “5 things I love and 5 things I Hate about being a mom, because hate is a big word and a no-no in the parenting dictionary. To me anyways. So I am going to list 5 things I love and dislike about being a mother!

5 things I love:

  1. My son’s smile. It has the power to instantly kill the anger/impatience inside of me. It’s that amazing!
  2. Learn to be a new, better person. My son brought me all those new, great qualities, such as patience and more mature. Thanks Aaden!
  3. I am more active! There’s no way mister Aaden will allow me to sit on the couch for more than 15 minutes at a time! He needs to be entertained!
  4. Seeing my son’s progress. It’s amazing to see how quickly he learns simple things like getting off the couch without hurting himself, how to mimic  fish or a pig, hold his own bottle!
  5. The unconditional love coming from this small being who is part of me. A random hug, a cling to my leg when he feels lonely or hurt himself. He knows I’m his mommy and that’s the best feeling to me!

5 things I dislike:

  1. Changing Diapers. Tons of diapers. And my son fights whenever he needs to be changed. Poop. Everywhere. (Sorry for the graphics!)
  2. You pick things up, within a 5 minutes range they are all back on the floor. Toys, clothes, more toys. Everywhere.
  3. Constantly worrying. What’s this bump from? Is this a rash? Is it bad? Is he hurt? Why is he crying? Is he hungry? Did I feed him enough? And the list goes on…
  4. Sleep with one eye opened. I know this will happen even when he’s 16. I can’t stop it, it just happens! Wake up in the middle of the night, he’s not crying, but just in case…
  5. Losing friends. Some people can’t deal with you being a parent, so they slowly become distant. They’re not ready to hang out with you and have their conversations cut off multiple times because I need to take Aaden away from the heater, away from the video games “Don’t do this, Don’t touch that!” And the random crying for lack of attention.

I’ll soon make a new entry about things I like and dislike about being a Diabetic parent. Because yes, there ARE things I like about being a diabetic parent!

What’s your likes and dislikes?

 
This following video I made a while back and Aaden was about 9 months old and younger.

That crazy thing called parenting.

I’ve found in the past 14 months (Minus 4 days) that nothing could prepare me for what parenting is like. There are NO books, NO videos, NO magazines and absolutely NO person that can actually shape you into a parent. It just happens.

Oh sure, I’ve read books during my pregnancy to prepare me for my labour, had pre natal classes, read on what to feed my son when he’s 5 months old… Little did these books know, I would only follow a few steps of what they were teaching.

My labour turned out nothing like in the books; I didn’t breath like they were saying, I didn’t follow any kind of measures they wanted me to take. Well, I couldn’t walk much because they had a heartbeat thing attached to my skin so they could follow Aaden’s heartbeat through my contractions. The Anaesthetist that gave me my epidural missed 4 times and so I felt most of everything. I was induced because of Diabetes, at 38 weeks. My labour was only 4 hours and a half. 30 minutes of which I was under the epidural’s half effectiveness.

When came the time to breastfeed, my hormones refused to produce any milk at all, so Aaden was put on formula very soon. I knew nothing about formula as I thought I would have been breastfeeding the whole time. And from then, my son gave me the best gift ever; Patience. Fellow blogger JourneyIntoType1 confirmed this to me as her children taught her the same, as I was reading in her blog.

The toughest thing about parenting I think is doing most of it alone. My husband (who is the most wonderful man in the world, no joke!) works in different provinces so I am left with Aaden 24/7 for periods going from 3 weeks two 2 months at a time. At first, I had help from some people, but life happens and, believe me, I found out that having kids creates new friends, but you also lose a few in the process. Even those you think you would not lose. They are not ready to see you as a mother. They prefer going out rather than hanging out with you just for a cup of tea. They don’t want this family life thrown into their faces too, so they quit you. You become another person, a responsible, set on a constant schedule, new person. And you learn to do things on your own, without having the help of others.

My parents will always be there for me, that I know. (Well, not my mother as she passed away in 2008, though I know that her and my sister are watching me from up there.) But I cannot count on any other person other than them, My husband and one or two friends.

That crazy thing called parenting isn’t only about parenting alone, I found. It’s about rediscovering yourself. Learning about your weakness and your strengths, gaining skills and becoming this role model for a tiny little you.

Today, I am grateful for my son. He came into this world and at only 14 months old, taught me so much more than I thought I could ever learn. Patience, responsibilities, having purpose, becoming a bodyguard, nurse, teacher and mother at the same time, but most of all, I discovered true love because of him. This unconditional love, even if he doesn’t listen to me, even if he keeps throwing his food on the ground at meal times, even if he is grumpy, or even when he wakes me up at night. I love him, for everything that he is, and I can thank him today for blessing my world with his being.

And all that, while being a type 1 diabetic. I will fight diabetes on a daily basis even more than before, because I want to be here for him, always.

[/End of emotional parenting rant.]

Aaden and I, on his birth day

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