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DiabeticallyYours

Living life as a Type 1 Diabetic.

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

All in due time; a small post for small changes

You know what I’ve been waiting to do but haven’t yet? A Vlog. About weight loss. I’m sure It’d be much more motivational to me; it would help me cope with my goals a little better. Like the kick in the butt you sometimes need to achieve your goals. The only problem is… Well, there is no problem. The problem is me. I have the proper camera, I have the right equipment to do it and, hell, I have plenty of imagination to give. But, like most things in the past, I keep pushing it to ‘tomorrow’.

“I should vacuum the house. Bah, tomorrow.”

“I should make that recipe! Meh, tomorrow…”

It’s really annoying. Why is it that for some things I have enough motivation for hundreds and when it comes to other productive things, it scales right back down to zero? It’s something I have to figure out and it most definitely is something I need to change. Starting yesterday.

So, weight loss wise, I know I could do better. But the more I lose, the less insulin I need, and so the more hypoglycemias I have. What do I do when that happens? Drink juice. 100 calories a pop plus a few almonds. Going straight back to my thighs. I know I shouldn’t let these things get to me because I’ve lost some weight so far, but still, it’s frustrating. Do all that work for what seems like nothing. Spend calories, drink ’em right back. Stupid pancreas! Why did you have to die! It’s making fat girls like me struggle even more and be discouraged much more easily.

Okay. Plan B. Stop being discouraged. You can do this. Your weight loss coach told you; five pounds in a month is a good thirty in just half a year. Which is true, when seen that way, but still frustrating when you see people next to you drop double what you did in the same amount of time.

Okay. Plan C. Stop being discouraged and stay positive.

Or maybe plan D. Stop being discouraged, stay positive, and never give up.

There’s the whole alphabet to go, afterall.

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Why I lied to my weight loss coach.

I rarely lie. Very rarely. The reason is simple; I’m a lousy liar and get trampled in the lies. I like being truthful anyways; it’s less trouble and I feel much better about myself. I do lie on occasion though, random little white lies everyone makes. “Hey, how are you doing?” to which I would reply “I’m fine!” when I’m not. You know, the usual little white lies we so often do on a regular basis. Just so we don’t annoy anyone or don’t hurt their feelings. So why did I lie to my weight loss coach? I had to ask myself that question for a while before I found the right answer.

No one wants to feel shame. No one wants to accept that we fail and everyone wants to give proper explanation to everyone to justify the way they look, talk, eat, etc… And why do we? Is society that bad that we want to protect our image to the point of resembling the “normal” standards? Let me explain…

I’ve been starting this weight loss journey (Lost 2 lbs so far… Definitely not a big loss, but it’s a loss!) to be healthy, to stay alive, to be there for my son. I hate the way I look, so of course that’s another reason. As I was talking with my coach, she wanted explanations regarding my type 1 diabetes. She knew what type 2 was but had never met someone with type 1. Granted, type 1 diabetics only represent about 5% of all diabetics. It’s a much different disease and it’s hard to make people understand. It should be carrying a whole different name as it is. And through all these years, I’ve had to constantly explain to people what Type 1 diabetes was; show them that it’s not at all like type 2s, and that before it being called type 1 diabetes, it was called (And still is to this day) juvenile diabetes because most diabetics would be diagnosed under the age of 10. So then, why did I become diabetic at age 24? Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease and it attacks the beta cells in your pancreas, destroying them and taking away your ability to produce insulin. Simple as that. But not so simple when you don’t know the disease and really not simple when people question your age and the disease.

So, I lied. I didn’t want to explain how it got there, why it chose me, give statistics and whatnot, but most of all, I didn’t want to battle and explain that it wasn’t because I’m fat. Most type 2 diabetics become diabetics because of an unhealthy lifestyle and most will be overweight on diagnosis. I lied because I didn’t want to explain the fact that even though I’m overweight, it wasn’t the cause of my disease. When I was diagnosed, I wasn’t overweight to start with. But that’s, again, more explanations on explanations and I’m just tired of having to explain all the time. So instead I chose to lie. I told her I had been diabetic since the age of 4. By saying that, I skipped the whole questionnaire process and simply had to explain the way my insulin pump worked. And I felt so bad. And I still do.

Why do we lie? To save time? To validate the way we feel and look? It makes no sense to me. But one thing I know is that whenever I lie, even if the lie is so tiny it wouldn’t hurt anyone, I feel horrible for days. A good quality, but also a bad one, as remorse is amplified ten times worth.

Do you lie to justify the way you look? Do you lie to save explaining things?

I have. And it’s bugging the creeps out of me.

New beginnings… Again.

Huh. Where do I start?

Well, I should start by thanking Moments of Wonderful for voting this blog ┬ápost “Best Post by a Type 1” for the year 2012! It’s really nice to know that people are reading your words and acknowledging them for what they are and taking the time to stop and read them, in the first place. What comes through from the heart is what I think is most popular, for any kind of blog. True words will always reach your readers; that’s one thing I learned. So thank you, for reading me. Even though I have put this blog on the shelf for a bit and let it gather dust, now’s the time for me to stay focused, once again. But this time, permanently. No more shrugging, no more excuses.

I’ve had a little health scare before the holidays and it made me realize that I’ve put aside my well being much too often for different reasons. It’s time I take action. It’s time I stay committed, that I make this change for not only me, but my son, my husband, my family. I need this. I want it. Very badly.

I’ll soon have Vlogs that I will add to my posts. Sometimes, a video can reach your audience better than words, too.

So you must’ve guessed that I have not lost the weight I wanted to lose last year. I actually regained most of it. Urgh. Talk about a let downer. Again, I’m not going to make excuses. Despite the time I have to spend in front of the computer, despite my cravings, the binging… I could have done something much better about it. But I didn’t. And yes, I do regret it, but now’s not the time to dwell on negative things. I need to look forward. To see myself where the goal is. To enjoy every little victories and every little failures as well. Never to dwell on those, though.

Starting tomorrow, there will be a new me.

Regular activities, several glucose tests per day, better monitoring of my diabetes, better lifestyle, a whole lot of changes.

And I will stick to it.

I promise.

 

 

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